My legs hurt a lot today. All the way down the front and up the back. Also the sides and underneath as far as I can tell. Yesterday I ran 5k for the first time since the reformation, which it turns out was a mistake. The day before, I went to the gym and ran a mile on the treadmill. That didn’t faze me so I though, get out there and do 5k.
Unfortunately I haven’t run in the wild for some time and have been using the treadmill at the YMCA to set my pace. As a result I now run quite fast but as I say not for a while now. I started off at a cracking pace and surprised myself by reaching my first marker in a fairly decent time. I was breathing heavily but nothing to worry about. Man-up and carry on was the watchword so on I trekked, boldly going where vast numbers had gone before.
Predictably enough by the 4k mark I was just about dead. It was at that point that a seagull spotted me and began his dive. I don’t know if you are familiar with the seagull but it is a vindictive bird with surprisingly good aim. Scientists have yet to figure out why they like to crap on people but I can assure you they do. You don’t hear or see them until they sweep back up into the skies. You do however feel a light tap on the top of your head.
The deposit still being body temperature, there is no sense of wetness and if you are bald like me, nothing to prevent it sliding down your forehead, into your eyes. I had to act fast. I can tell you now that nothing fills the soul with the awe and wonder of nature like a middle aged man pulling up his t-shirt, exposing a party can where a six pack should be and using it to wipe seagull shit off his shiny bald head, in the middle of a busy street.
Also did I mention my legs really hurt?