Quick, to the rescue…

Time was of the essence. The Grand keeper of the Text was being held against her will in the basement of a fetchingly bijou cafe at the posh end of Llandeilo.  Threats had been issued and the clock was ticking. Our heroes were poised on the starting blocks, waiting for the crack of the pistol. Each, in their own way, prepared for the travails that awaited.

Adam Jones was seen daily, dragging tankers to shore with his teeth. The Golden Badger of Wrexham (AKA Torok the Elder) practiced his shape shifting skills by getting into the pictures as two people on orange Wednesdays. Karen Fremp had entered a state of zen like calm using gin and vodka as a meditative aid much like the shaman of old used hallucinogenics.  As one, they were focused on the rescue of their team mate.  Except maybe Karen. One overcast Tuesday they were summoned to the office of The Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM First Minister of Wales.

CARWYN

Erm…….. Yeah………

ADAM

Are we going? Is this it?

CARWYN

Dai Jenkins, the minister for Jobs and Entertainment…..

Well you’ve seen the papers. I had no choice but to sack him.

We’re not even replacing him.

TOROK

What’s that to us?

CARWYN

We thought it’d be best to scrap his department and

split the duties up between health, cultural sustainability

and sustainable culture. That’s Jobs. Entertainment will

go to the department of sustaining cultural infrastructure

and sport.  Because of the language.

ADAM

What?

CARWYN

It’s very simple. Employment sustainability will be

under health. Recruitment infrastructure will come under

cultural sustainability, naturally………

ADAM

What the hell has this got to do with us?

CARWYN

Your budget comes through the adult Economic Regeneration

Fund. That’s administered by the Initiative and Development Team

within the Regionally Zoned Poverty Action Section of the

Proactive Sustainable Employment Unit.

ADAM

What the hell has that got to do with us?

CARWYN

The Proactive Sustainable Employment Unit gets part of it’s funding

through Europe.

TOROK

Shit.

CARWYN

That means before we can switch you over to another

department you have to write a report on the work you’ve

been doing.

KAREN

We haven’t done anything.

CARWYN

They’re not going to like that.

ADAM

You haven’t let us do anything.

CARWYN

You can’t put that in the report.

ADAM

I’m not writing a report.

CARWYN

If you don’t write the report they won’t give us the funding.

ADAM

I’m the sleeping giant of Abercraf. According to the legend,

my job is to awake when the nation is in danger and save it

from it’s enemies.

CARWYN

Absolutely…. And this government has secured the funding for

you to do that.

KAREN

What do we have to do?

CARWYN

I’ve got the sheets here. You just have to…….

CARWYN POINTS THE THE SECTIONS ON THE SHEETS THAT HAVE TABLES.

CARWYN

These are the targets.  Most of them we’ve met to be

honest, just in the recruitment process.  The other sections then,

you have to tell them how you’re going to project manage the

rescue.  Time scale, resources, personnel, risk assessment.

KAREN

Do we have to include costs?

CARWYN

Have you got receipts? I asked you to keep receipts.

KAREN POINTS TO THE SHEET.

KAREN

What does this mean? Local and national sustainable impact.

CARWYN

That’s the numbers of people who have been helped by the rescue.

They’ll want names there.

ADAM

Haven’t got any more of that Vodka have you Karen?