Time was of the essence. The Grand keeper of the Text was being held against her will in the basement of a fetchingly bijou cafe at the posh end of Llandeilo. Threats had been issued and the clock was ticking. Our heroes were poised on the starting blocks, waiting for the crack of the pistol. Each, in their own way, prepared for the travails that awaited.
Adam Jones was seen daily, dragging tankers to shore with his teeth. The Golden Badger of Wrexham (AKA Torok the Elder) practiced his shape shifting skills by getting into the pictures as two people on orange Wednesdays. Karen Fremp had entered a state of zen like calm using gin and vodka as a meditative aid much like the shaman of old used hallucinogenics. As one, they were focused on the rescue of their team mate. Except maybe Karen. One overcast Tuesday they were summoned to the office of The Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM First Minister of Wales.
CARWYN
Erm…….. Yeah………
ADAM
Are we going? Is this it?
CARWYN
Dai Jenkins, the minister for Jobs and Entertainment…..
Well you’ve seen the papers. I had no choice but to sack him.
We’re not even replacing him.
TOROK
What’s that to us?
CARWYN
We thought it’d be best to scrap his department and
split the duties up between health, cultural sustainability
and sustainable culture. That’s Jobs. Entertainment will
go to the department of sustaining cultural infrastructure
and sport. Because of the language.
ADAM
What?
CARWYN
It’s very simple. Employment sustainability will be
under health. Recruitment infrastructure will come under
cultural sustainability, naturally………
ADAM
What the hell has this got to do with us?
CARWYN
Your budget comes through the adult Economic Regeneration
Fund. That’s administered by the Initiative and Development Team
within the Regionally Zoned Poverty Action Section of the
Proactive Sustainable Employment Unit.
ADAM
What the hell has that got to do with us?
CARWYN
The Proactive Sustainable Employment Unit gets part of it’s funding
through Europe.
TOROK
Shit.
CARWYN
That means before we can switch you over to another
department you have to write a report on the work you’ve
been doing.
KAREN
We haven’t done anything.
CARWYN
They’re not going to like that.
ADAM
You haven’t let us do anything.
CARWYN
You can’t put that in the report.
ADAM
I’m not writing a report.
CARWYN
If you don’t write the report they won’t give us the funding.
ADAM
I’m the sleeping giant of Abercraf. According to the legend,
my job is to awake when the nation is in danger and save it
from it’s enemies.
CARWYN
Absolutely…. And this government has secured the funding for
you to do that.
KAREN
What do we have to do?
CARWYN
I’ve got the sheets here. You just have to…….
CARWYN POINTS THE THE SECTIONS ON THE SHEETS THAT HAVE TABLES.
CARWYN
These are the targets. Most of them we’ve met to be
honest, just in the recruitment process. The other sections then,
you have to tell them how you’re going to project manage the
rescue. Time scale, resources, personnel, risk assessment.
KAREN
Do we have to include costs?
CARWYN
Have you got receipts? I asked you to keep receipts.
KAREN POINTS TO THE SHEET.
KAREN
What does this mean? Local and national sustainable impact.
CARWYN
That’s the numbers of people who have been helped by the rescue.
They’ll want names there.
ADAM
Haven’t got any more of that Vodka have you Karen?
Brilliant! I just wish it wasn’t so close to reality.
Thanks. 🙂 Sustainably yours.
hahaha I’m with Chris on this. Superb 🙂
Another gem! Thank you for allowing an Englishman to understand the administration of Wales!
Thank you. That’s exactly what I was aiming at.