SSAESFCFA are go….

The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers as our team of intrepid heroes were now called, for reasons of funding stream compliance, sat awaiting orders. Poised like caged beasts they strained at the bit, eager for battle and glory.  The greatest team of heroes ever assembled in Wales, eyed each other grimly; aware that their compatriot was being held captive by a woman bent on dominating the world and parts of Ceredigion. A man entered the room and they all turned. The dreadlocks down his back indicated he was a colourful character. Someone who didn’t fit in well with government officials. Someone with a history. He drew up a chair and took his place at the table.

PHIL

Hi, I’m Phil. Phil Philips.  We’re here today to see if we can

break this impasse.

KAREN

When are we going?

PHIL

That’s what we’re here to figure out today.

KAREN

Let’s go now.

PHIL

Brilliant, that’s what I like to hear. PMA. OK we’ll put that

one up here.

PHIL stands and moves with cat like grace toward a flipchart, pausing only to grab a marker pen. He pulls of the top and inhales deeply.

PHIL

So you’re saying we need to action our deliverables. Great stuff.

ADAM

Our what?

PHIL

We need to think outside the box. What is it you do as a team?

TOROK

We fill out forms.

ADAM

I had some manual handling training last week.

KAREN

We’ve been to Llandudno Junction.

PHIL

What’s your purpose? What is this team for?

ADAM

We’re supposed to be rescuing the keeper of the text so Wales

can rise again.

PHIL

I understand that but let’s park that one.  That’s what I would call

an objective. That’s a specific actionable goal. What I’m looking for

is more a general group motivation.

KAREN

We were brought together to discover the source of the knowledge of the

ancient text, that will save the nation.

PHIL

Still a bit more task oriented than I was thinking. Is there anything

you would say you believe in as a team?

The three of them eye each other nervously, stumped for ideas.

PHIL

I’m starting to see why you haven’t really got out of the

starting blocks now.

ADAM

We haven’t got out of the starting blocks because they keep sending

us on courses about how to get out of the starting blocks. Last week I

had to do a course on how to recognise the signs of over training fatigue.

We spent most of the day brainstorming ideas about how to keep

brainstorming sessions a short as possible.

PHIL

That’s brilliant I think that, as a team now, you are very close

to being able to actuate your potential. We just need to get

past this negativity. There’s a course I’m running next month

on maverick thinkers. People who just get out there and do it.

KAREN

We’ll get out there and do it now if you want.

PHIL

Love it. That’s what I want to hear. I love you people. Once

we’ve got a clear set of aims and objectives I think we can start

working on your team building and maybe go through some

scenarios where we can turn that energy into forward momentum.

KAREN

I’ve got a car, we can go now.

PHIL

Aww, she’s brilliant, isn’t she? This is what I’m talking about

right here. That car can be the symbol that energizes us. The freedom

of the road. I can see we’re going to do great things.

ADAM

Come on then.

PHIL

This has been great. I love you guys. Have you got class 1 business

insurance on your car?

KAREN

Have I got what?

ADAM

So close……….

About Not So Great Dictator

I make films featuring Lego and other assorted creatures and historical figures. If you do not think they are all funny, then I am afraid there is something wrong with you. Seek medical attention.
This entry was posted in Satire, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to SSAESFCFA are go….

  1. Pingback: SSAESFCFA are go…. | scribblah

  2. Chris Jones says:

    Dear God, this lego fly on the wall reality docusoap is really beginning to drive me nuts.Congrats!

  3. Thank you. I feel a rescue attempt is immanent. As long as the hostage has signed the necessary consent forms and our team have figured out how they are going to measure the outcomes.

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