The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers (SSAESFCFA for short) crowded into a small tent at the Eisteddfod. Torok let the door flap fall closed behind him and turned to see one of the most confusing sights this side of Tom Jones’s skin colour.
First Minister the Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM stood behind a large, waist-high table. On the table was the carcass of a sheep. One of Carwyn’s large hands wielded a razor sharp knife which he expertly used to slice sideways as he pulled back the skin with his other, equally large, hand. Both his hands were the same size. As each other.
He spoke as he butchered the sheep like a pro, tossing EU regulation cuts into a CFC free refrigerated unit set to below 5ºC; which was displayed on a clearly visible, digital display. The fridge was in a well ventilated area. The cabinet was tough and easy to clean, on castors so it could be cleaned round the back and made out of stainless steel for lower running costs. Carwyn wore a regulation hair net and apron. Behind him was displayed his food hygiene certificate level 3.
I want you to take half of our forces.
For the rescue.
You should have gone already I don’t know why you’ve
been wasting time around Cardiff.
Every time we think we’re going to get the go ahead
you make us fill out another form.
50 years from now we’ll all be gone.
Speak for yourself.
80 years from now, a 100 years, we’ll all be gone. The only
thing left will be Wales. We have the opportunity to build a
nation that will last a 1,000 years. That’s 920 longer than
we’re all going to last.
950 in your case.
I want you to bring home the keeper of the text. No matter
what it takes. If people think they can just take what’s ours
we’ll lose all respect internationally. We look after our own.
Let’s go then.
Obviously we need to make sure you’re completely compliant.
This is a strategic ministerial decision. There has to be proper
scrutiny. We’re not savages. Draw up a proposal and submit it to
the petitions committee. I’ll see if there’s any money left in the
European Structural Fund for some quick response team training.
Fancy a chop anyone?