Deciding the criteria to be used to define Nail, Head and Hit.

A room with a big table

In rooms such as these, decisions of vital import to our great nation are taken.

First Minister the Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM sat at the head of the massive table that was the heart of Committee Room B. His broad shoulders rose and fell with pensive breathing. Matters of state bore down on him with the turbulent might of a nation’s ill will. Deep in his heart he knew the future of Wales would stand or fall by his hand. It gnawed at him like a cancer. Ate away at his soul, day and night.

The text was the key. The text would enable him to exercise his will to the full. Only with access to the power of the text could he ensure that enterprise and entrepreneurship were promoted to the fullest extent so Wales could ‘maximise experiential learning opportunities available for young people to explore entrepreneurship at national, regional and local level’ as outlined in the Youth Entrepreneurship Strategy (YES) Action Plan 2010-15. An assessment methodology which included an evaluation framework to measure impact including qualitative and quantitative measures and international benchmarking would make this giddy dream a reality but the text was the thing. The text would deliver success.

For this reason he had called an emergency meeting of D.U.M.B (Delivery Unit Meeting-Room B). The Delivery Unit, most famous for being part of the Strategic Planning, Finance and Performance Directorate was the keystone of search for the Keeper of the Text. For this meeting of D.U.M.B. The First Minister had summoned The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers (SSAESFCFA for short). Newly appointed head of the team, Vampire Elvis leaned across the giant table and looked The First Minister in the eye.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

What’s shakin baby?

CARWYN

I’ll tell you what’s shaking.  I’m shaking.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

Uh huh?

CARWYN

Things up.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

OK….

CARWYN

Shaking, things up. I split it up. You said what’s shaking…

Then I said I’m shaking… and you all thought shaking like

i’m being cool and that….. Dancing, shaking…. Then I said,

things up. Shaking… things up.

TOROK

Yeah, no, we….  That was pretty clear.

CARWYN

It was a pun, like a play on words so it’s funny but it also

made me sound dynamic…

TOROK

Not so much.

CARWYN

Not funny or not dynamic?

TOROK

That’s right.

CARWYN

Which one?

TOROK

Is that the time?

CARWYN

I’m trying out some new script writers. It could go either

way….

TOROK

Perhaps when we get the keeper back eh…

CARWYN

Yeah that’s what I wanted to talk about.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

Uh huh..

CARWYN

I’m launching an investigation.

TOROK

Into what?

CARWYN

Into what’s stopping us from rescuing the keeper.

ADAM JONES

For Christ Sake we could go and rescue her now. We could walk

out that door and be in Llandeilo in an hour.

CARWYN

That’s what I’m saying. We need to know why you haven’t done that.

KAREN

It’s called bureaucratic inertia.

CARWYN grabs a pen and paper

CARWYN

Bureaucratic in…. ?

KAREN

Inertia.

CARWYN

I know what you mean. It’s like we can’t get going because of all

the rules and regulations.

ADAM JONES

And strategies and policies and consultations and assessments

and assessment criteria and outcome assessments, input assessments

output assessments. Has anybody done an assessment of how

many assessments are being done?

CARWYN scribbles frantically.

CARWYN

Brilliant. You’re saying we need to assess the assessment process?

ADAM JONES

No.

TOROK

Yes, that’s definitely the best place to start. We need to define the

assessment criteria………

ADAM JONES

Will you shut up, he’s writing this down.

CARWYN

Right you…

CARWYN points to VAMPIRE ELVIS.

CARWYN

You’re the man to make this happen. I want you to start

an assessment of the assessment criteria used to determine

what is and isn’t a strategically vital area of operational activity.

You.

CARWYN points to KAREN.

CARWYN

You draw up a set of strategic outcomes.

KAREN

Is rescuing the keeper of the text a strategic outcome?

CARWYN

It’s more of an output really but we need to focus here on the

outcomes of the assessment process itself.  Brilliant. We’re really

getting somewhere now.

ADAM JONES

And I thought the new scrummaging laws were complicated.

About Not So Great Dictator

I make films featuring Lego and other assorted creatures and historical figures. If you do not think they are all funny, then I am afraid there is something wrong with you. Seek medical attention.
This entry was posted in Satire, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Deciding the criteria to be used to define Nail, Head and Hit.

  1. Thank you. I try to keep it as true to life as possible. 🙂

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