DBS Week Two (the committee stage)

The Grand Keeper of the text sat in the basement of the Rosetta café in Llandeilo. Her cell was a rudimentary affair, mostly furnished with Freecycle sourced Ikea furniture (they do so much with so little space).  It was the second week of her imprisonment and she was beginning to think she had been forgotten. Tonya Rosetta paced about in the café above.  She held her mobile phone like a knife and spoke loudly.


Carwyn, hi.


Yeah I know. I’ve got nothing for you.


Get me the original text by tomorrow or she dies.


We can’t do anything they haven’t had their DBS through yet.


I don’t care. If you want to see her alive again…..


I know, I know and I understand but nobody else can bring

the text to you because they haven’t been chosen. I’ve been

chosen but Theodore says it would be a conflict of interest

if I did it.


Who the hell’s Theodore?


Theodore Huckle.


You’re taking the piss now.


No he’s the Consul General.


What’s that?


He’s the government legal adviser, he says I can’t do it.


You’re the first minister.


That’s why I have to be careful. I can’t go against agreed

procedures. The scrutiny committee would ask me some

extremely pointed questions. It could get very uncomfortable.


Can’t you be a maverick first minister who doesn’t do things

by the book but gets results?


How would I measure the results if I didn’t do things by the

book? I don’t understand what you’re saying. Results can

only be measured against pre-agreed standards. Even then

they have to be set in the context of a holistic approach to

achieving results across the board. Any results must be seen

as part of a Wales wide strategy.


Dear god. Is somebody coming down here to give me the text or

at least try to rescue her?


It’s gone out to consultation.




It’s in the committee stages. I rushed it through, using the power

of the text, so we managed to reconvene the national emergency

committee.  They’ve insisted it goes out to consultation and the

officials are drafting the consultation guidelines as we speak.


I’m going to kill her.


I wish I could give you an answer but I can’t be seen to intervene.

Conflict of interest.  We don’t know what the result of the

consultation will be.


Three days.


This is going through as a matter of highest priority. Theodore

says we can get a decision in less than a month.  I can’t predict

what it will be.


That’s it, I’m killing her now.


Theodore says that’s illegal.



Tonya throws the phone across the room and jumps up and down like a child who can’t have a sweet.

About Not So Great Dictator

I make films featuring Lego and other assorted creatures and historical figures. If you do not think they are all funny, then I am afraid there is something wrong with you. Seek medical attention.
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6 Responses to DBS Week Two (the committee stage)

  1. Pingback: DBS Week Two (the committee stage) | scribblah

  2. StoryTeller says:

    It would not take too much imagination to actually see that happening! So painfully true it hurts! Thanks. 🙂

  3. Tears are rolling down my cheeks!!

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