The Grand Keeper of the text sat in the basement of the Rosetta café in Llandeilo. Her cell was a rudimentary affair, mostly furnished with Freecycle sourced Ikea furniture (they do so much with so little space). It was the second week of her imprisonment and she was beginning to think she had been forgotten. Tonya Rosetta paced about in the café above. She held her mobile phone like a knife and spoke loudly.
TONYA
Carwyn, hi.
CARWYN
Yeah I know. I’ve got nothing for you.
TONYA
Get me the original text by tomorrow or she dies.
CARWYN
We can’t do anything they haven’t had their DBS through yet.
TONYA
I don’t care. If you want to see her alive again…..
CARWN
I know, I know and I understand but nobody else can bring
the text to you because they haven’t been chosen. I’ve been
chosen but Theodore says it would be a conflict of interest
if I did it.
TONYA
Who the hell’s Theodore?
CARWYN
Theodore Huckle.
TONYA
You’re taking the piss now.
CARWYN
No he’s the Consul General.
TONYA
What’s that?
CARWYN
He’s the government legal adviser, he says I can’t do it.
TONYA
You’re the first minister.
CARWYN
That’s why I have to be careful. I can’t go against agreed
procedures. The scrutiny committee would ask me some
extremely pointed questions. It could get very uncomfortable.
TONYA
Can’t you be a maverick first minister who doesn’t do things
by the book but gets results?
CARWYN
How would I measure the results if I didn’t do things by the
book? I don’t understand what you’re saying. Results can
only be measured against pre-agreed standards. Even then
they have to be set in the context of a holistic approach to
achieving results across the board. Any results must be seen
as part of a Wales wide strategy.
TONYA
Dear god. Is somebody coming down here to give me the text or
at least try to rescue her?
CARWYN
It’s gone out to consultation.
TONYA
What?
CARWYN
It’s in the committee stages. I rushed it through, using the power
of the text, so we managed to reconvene the national emergency
committee. They’ve insisted it goes out to consultation and the
officials are drafting the consultation guidelines as we speak.
TONYA
I’m going to kill her.
CARWYN
I wish I could give you an answer but I can’t be seen to intervene.
Conflict of interest. We don’t know what the result of the
consultation will be.
TONYA
Three days.
CARWYN
This is going through as a matter of highest priority. Theodore
says we can get a decision in less than a month. I can’t predict
what it will be.
TONYA
That’s it, I’m killing her now.
CARWYN
Theodore says that’s illegal.
TONYA
Aaaaarrrrrrggggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!!
Tonya throws the phone across the room and jumps up and down like a child who can’t have a sweet.
hahahahahaha
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It would not take too much imagination to actually see that happening! So painfully true it hurts! Thanks. 🙂
Thank you for the comments. Oddly enough I actually think it’s what makes our democracy work.
Tears are rolling down my cheeks!!
Thanks. It’s the truth they don’t want you to know.