Vampire Elvis had been in charge of The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers (SSAESFCFA for short) for a week and a half and already there had been several major changes. The most significant of these was the Vegas themed costumes. Vampire Elvis realized immediately that the group lacked an identity. In his many years as a, quite frankly failed crime fighter he noticed that what most successful crime fighters had was a damned fine costume. Successful crime fighting teams (The Avengers apart) had themed costumes, usually with a simple, eye catching logo. The X Men had the X, the Fantastic Four had the Big Four, the SAS had those balaclava things.
Clearly what was needed, to galvanize the team and get them out and fighting crime/rescuing The Keeper of The Text was a well executed make-over. He had been through a few costume changes himself in his time and had come to the conclusion that his Vegas, white jump-suit era was the most iconic of his incarnations. Flushed with enthusiasm and the energy only the desire to share a brilliant idea can lend he burst into The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers (SSAESFCFA for short) meeting room and flung the costumes onto the table. They all stared at him for a few seconds, then at the jump-suits, then back at him.
TOROK
And this is?
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Well uh. Uh Hu. Vegas jump-suits. Thank you very much.
ADAM JONES
I look like enough of a twat in those skin tight rugby shirts.
A jump suit? Really?
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Uh Hu….
KAREN
Why?
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Well maam.
KAREN
I hadn’t finished speaking. Why are they so horrible?
TOROK
You know I’m a Badger right?
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Ebay baby. Badger jump-suits.
ADAM JONES
What’s this about?
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Superheros need costumes.
TOROK
We’re not exactly going to become fear itself if we look like
second rate Elvis impersonators.
VAMPIRE ELVIS
These things ain’t cheap baby. A rhinestone’s a thing of beauty.
ADAM
You seriously expect us to go out onto the streets, dressed as cheesy
Vegas cabaret tools.
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Hero’s baby. I was a hero to all my fans. They loved this costume.
KAREN
Yes but everyone else thought you looked like a bell-end.
VAMPIRE ELVIS
What are you people like? Is everyone in Wales like this?
ADAM JONES
Pretty much, yeah.
VAMPIRE ELVIS
Uh Hu……
Terry Waite and the other Beirut hostages were held for over four years. I fear the Keeper of the Text may suffer a similar fate! 😦
We need to ensure these things are given the full consideration they deserve. The easy thing to do would be to go in and rescue her. Politicians have to be prepared to make the difficult decisions.
We..ll. I quite fancy the costume myself – although strictly um Friday nights only? Uh huh!