The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers (SSAESFCFA for short) stood, resplendent in their Vegas Elvis costumes. Adam Jones pulled himself up to his full height, then pulled his underpants out of his crack with all the dignity he could muster.
Today was the day. Today they would launch the rescue of The Keeper of The Text, thus unleashing the full power of the text, through which First Minister the Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM could restore the nation of Wales to greatness. They stood to attention, awaiting the signal to go. Vampire Elvis strode along the line, like a sergeant major, eyeing them up and down. With a tear forming in the corner of his eye, he gazed out across Cardiff Bay as if staring directly into the face of destiny. If destiny had a face and lived in Cardiff. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of paper.
Is that the plan?
Are we going?
That’ the blueprints of the evil lair, yeah?
It’s an impact assessment form.
For F***s sake….
We’ve done all the hard work for you baby. I’ve been three months
in meetings to decide whether or not an impact assessment was
necessary, Uh Huh..
What’s an impact assessment?
Well Sir, this one’s an environmental impact assessment. It’s a
process for identifying the environmental effects, positive
and negative, of proposed actions or activities, developments
or actions to prevent developments or developments to prevent
actions. It’s all laid out in plain English right here. Uh Huh….
What are the other ones?
This one is a socio-economic impact assessment, this one’s an
equality impact assessment, this one’s a regional economic
impact assessment, this one is a local authority resources
Stop speaking now.
What are we…. How am I….. You know the keeper is being held
somewhere, right now? Her kidnapper, phoned us up and told
us where. We need to go and get her, now.
Yes Ma’am but any one of our activities could impact negatively
on the environment or one or more socio-economically
Oh Christ… Give us the forms.
I look like a dog in this costume.