Impact Assessment

Everything rides up in a jump suit.

There were always going to be issues down below

The Standard Spending Assessment and European Social Fund Communities First Avengers (SSAESFCFA for short) stood, resplendent in their Vegas Elvis costumes. Adam Jones pulled himself up to his full height, then pulled his underpants out of his crack with all the dignity he could muster.

Today was the day. Today they would launch the rescue of  The Keeper of The Text, thus unleashing the full power of the text, through which First Minister the Rt Hon Carwyn Jones AM could restore the nation of Wales to greatness.  They stood to attention, awaiting the signal to go.  Vampire Elvis strode along the line, like a sergeant major, eyeing them up and down. With a tear forming in the corner of his eye, he gazed out across Cardiff Bay as if staring directly into the face of destiny. If destiny had a face and lived in Cardiff.  He reached into his pocket and pulled out a roll of paper.

KAREN

Is that the plan?

ADAM JONES

Are we going?

TOROK

That’ the blueprints of the evil lair, yeah?

VAMPIRE ELVIS

It’s an impact assessment form.

KAREN

For F***s sake….

VAMPIRE ELVIS

We’ve done all the hard work for you baby. I’ve been three months

in meetings to decide whether or not an impact assessment was

necessary, Uh Huh..

TOROK

What’s an impact assessment?

VAMPIRE ELVIS

Well Sir, this one’s an environmental impact assessment. It’s a

process for identifying the environmental effects, positive

and negative, of proposed actions or activities, developments

or actions to prevent developments or developments to prevent

actions. It’s all laid out in plain English right here. Uh Huh….

ADAM JONES

What are the other ones?

VAMPIRE ELVIS

This one is a socio-economic impact assessment, this one’s an

equality impact assessment, this one’s a regional economic

impact assessment, this one is a local authority resources

impact assessment.

KAREN

Stop speaking now.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

Uh Huh…

KAREN

What are we…. How am I….. You know the keeper is being held

somewhere, right now? Her kidnapper, phoned us up and told

us where. We need to go and get her, now.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

Yes Ma’am but any one of our activities could impact negatively

on the environment or one or more socio-economically

disadvantaged groups.

ADAM JONES

Oh Christ… Give us the forms.

VAMPIRE ELVIS

Uh Huh…..

TOROK

I look like a dog in this costume.

It's a badger dressed as Vegas Elvis

Some of the team members looked more magnificent than others.

About Not So Great Dictator

I make films featuring Lego and other assorted creatures and historical figures. If you do not think they are all funny, then I am afraid there is something wrong with you. Seek medical attention.
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1 Response to Impact Assessment

  1. Pingback: Impact Assessment | scribblah

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